Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
That rainbow is so neat, it must be professional gradient.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.