When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Shell yeah.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.