What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
Girls just wanna have sun.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
The ocean made me salty.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.