Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
I tried to catch the fog.
But I mist.
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.