Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
Shell yeah.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.