What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
Feeling fintastic.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.