I hate windy weather. It really blows.
The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
Beach you to it.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.