Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!