A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
A tormato.
My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.