When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
Don't get tide down.
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement