My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'