The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!