You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a dirty mouth.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.