What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Rock was magma before it was cool.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!