What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
Sea you at the beach.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
Rainbows are very uncommon, they are blue and far between.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.