The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.