What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.