The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a dirty mouth.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
Q: What falls but never hits the ground?
A: The temperature
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
Whale, hello there.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.