What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Beach, please.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
Q: What falls but never hits the ground?
A: The temperature
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.