I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
The ocean made me salty.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.