Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.