Sea you at the beach.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.