Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Shell yeah.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.