If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.