The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
The ocean made me salty.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
What is the most depressed river in Southern Europe? The Crimea River.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Are you squiding me right now?
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
Tis the sea-sun.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
How does one raindrop ask another out? Water you doing tonight?
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.