What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Don't get tide down.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
Sea you at the beach.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
That rainbow is so neat, it must be professional gradient.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.