What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.