What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.