Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.