We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
Tis the sea-sun.
The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a dirty mouth.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.