Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
I tried to catch the fog.
But I mist.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.