Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.