What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.