What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
Sea you at the beach.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.