Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
Please excuse my resting beach face.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.