I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
Avoid pier pressure.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
Sea you at the beach.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Salty but sweet.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
What is the strongest creature in the ocean? A mussel!