Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
Seas the day.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
It’s raining cats and dogs outside.
I think I just stepped in a poodle.