I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Shell yeah.
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
Water you doing?
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.