What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.