Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Shell yeah.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!