I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.