Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
What is the strongest creature in the ocean? A mussel!
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.