My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.