I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
Q: What falls but never hits the ground?
A: The temperature
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.