What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.