When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.