Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Beach you to it.
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
Are you squiding me right now?
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.