Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
That crazy little sun of a beach.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.