Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!