What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
Water you doing?
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.