How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
Q: Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?
A: It was feeling mis-thunder-stood.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Tis the sea-sun.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.