What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
"Dying to have fun."
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.