What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
You’re my heartthrob.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.