Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
"Bone to be wild."
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
"Bugs and hisses."
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
I have a heart-on for you.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.