What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
"Bone to be wild."
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.