How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
You’re my heartthrob.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."