My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
"No body won the skeleton race."
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!