I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
"No body won the skeleton race."
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.