Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."