Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"