Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
"Bone to be wild."
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.