What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
"No body won the skeleton race."
I have a heart-on for you.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
"Dying to have fun."
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.