Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
"Bone to be wild."
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.