I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.