My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.