My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."