What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."