Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
"Lazy bones."
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.