I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
"Some people have no guts."
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.