What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
You’re my heartthrob.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.