How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
"Some people have no guts."
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.