Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
"Lazy bones."
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
"No body won the skeleton race."
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
"Bugs and hisses."
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate