"Dying to have fun."
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.