Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
"Bone to be wild."
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.