As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
"Bone to be wild."
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.