What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
"Bugs and hisses."
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
"Bone to be wild."
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
I have a heart-on for you.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.