I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
You’re my heartthrob.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
I have a heart-on for you.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.