What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?