I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
I have a heart-on for you.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.