When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
You’re my heartthrob.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.