Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
"Some people have no guts."
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
"Bone to be wild."
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.