While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
I have a heart-on for you.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
"Bugs and hisses."
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.