"Some people have no guts."
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
"Bugs and hisses."
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.