A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
"Dying to have fun."
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
"Bone to be wild."
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.