Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
"Bone to be wild."
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
"Lazy bones."
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.