I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
"Lazy bones."
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.