A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
You’re my heartthrob.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."