Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
You’re my heartthrob.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
"Lazy bones."
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.