How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.