What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
"Some people have no guts."
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
"No body won the skeleton race."
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.