Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
"No body won the skeleton race."
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."