What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
"Some people have no guts."
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
"Bone to be wild."