What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
"Bone to be wild."
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.