What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."