I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
"Lazy bones."
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!