What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
"Bugs and hisses."
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.