Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
"Bone to be wild."
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
"Some people have no guts."
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."