Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
"No body won the skeleton race."
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.