You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
"Bone to be wild."
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.