How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
"Bone to be wild."
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.