"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
"Some people have no guts."
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
"Bugs and hisses."
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
"No body won the skeleton race."
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.