What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
You’re my heartthrob.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
"Dying to have fun."
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.