What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
"Some people have no guts."
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
"Dying to have fun."
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.