What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands