What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
"Lazy bones."
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.