You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
"Bugs and hisses."
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.