Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.