What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
"Some people have no guts."
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?