The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
"Bone to be wild."
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
You’re my heartthrob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.