A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
"Some people have no guts."
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
"Bugs and hisses."
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
"No body won the skeleton race."
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.