Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.