What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
"Bugs and hisses."
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
"Dying to have fun."