The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
"Dying to have fun."
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”