What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
"Bugs and hisses."
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.