Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
I have a heart-on for you.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.