How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock