What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
"Dying to have fun."
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.