What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
"Dying to have fun."
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
"Bone to be wild."
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."