You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.