My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.